Maureen Birnbaum, Barbarian Swordsperson: The Complete Stories by George A. Effinger

Author:George A. Effinger [Effinger, George A.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: cookie429, Kat, Extratorrents
ISBN: 9781883722012
Publisher: Swan Press
Published: 1993-06-28T00:00:00+00:00

Welcome to Clue #1! You've evidently surmounted the great difficulties put in your way, and you are to be congratulated! Now, if you keep up your courage (and stay pure! Pure is the way to go, whatever your disgusting fleshly senses may counsel you) you will soon acquire that which you heartily desire! So here it is, the first important clue!

The Saint Nappie rests on a deep blue satin pillow in the Great Hall of the Castle of Seemly Joy.

All best, and may God bless!

I crumpled the sheet of paper and the envelope into a ball and tucked them away in my utility pouch. A true barbarian swordsperson may revel in slaughter and all that kind of thing, but one does not litter the forest-ho.

"Now what?" I go.

"Onward!" cried Bohort. "Onward to the Castle of Seemly Joy!"

"What about the boulder?" I go.

"Oh," Joe goes in what you call your offhand manner, "someone will be by to reset it."

"With a new clue underneath?"

Joe looked at Bohort. "If that is the Lord's will," goes Bohort.

"Uh huh, you bet," I go. "The Goddess wouldn't have any part of this nonsense."

Before we'd traveled much further, Joe put his hand on my arm. "Forgive me, good my lady. I have a garment which will profit you much to don. It will mark you well as a holy pilgrim, and you will receive therefore the aid and succor of our allies."

He held out to me the very white schmatte in which I am even now encladded. I didn't think much of it at the time. I mean, no designer label at all, even on the inside! These two guys had never heard of the Talbots catalog. They probably never even heard of Lane Bryant, for God's sake!

So I took the raiment and garbed myself behind a set of bushes. I just like threw it on over my primitive but serviceable Ruler of the Everywhere gold bra and G-string. The white dress fit okay except it was snug across the you know ass, if we can speak freely. I would've liked to dab on a little Chanel #22—did I tell you I've moved up to Chanel now? Seems like I've never run into a single other warrior who wore Je Reviens. Not that I just follow the crowd or anything, Bits, but like who wants to be T. B. A. just because you smell wrong.

To Be Avoided, dear. Are you putting on fat between your ears, Bitsy? We used that one at Greenberg.

I'll be goddamned if I can remember what I was about to tell you. Maybe we can stop along here somewhere and have just the smallest little Bloody Mary? They're like just so good for you, too, you know, with all the vegetables and stuff. No? Too early? Ha, Bits, I think you'd positively freak if you saw how we savage fighters consume food and liquor shamelessly, in a free-flowing celebration of life and victory and not being pinned to the ground by a very sharp pointed thing.

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